I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
