I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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