My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
