So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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