After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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