You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
