Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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