Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
