Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
