You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
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