you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
