I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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