i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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