Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
