is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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