once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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