More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
