So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize