i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
