All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
