i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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