eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
