I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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