dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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