you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
