It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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