i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
