His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
