fuck your aforementioned shoe
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he fucked my hip out of place.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Randomize
