Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
