i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I am midnight drunk by noon
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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