I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
