just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
