dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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