is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
