I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
