I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
