When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize