alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
