For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
i think my cat just said my name.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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