If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
