if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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