I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
