The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
