Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
