Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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