Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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