Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
