I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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