:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Actions speak louder than pants.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
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