Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
