everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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