R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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