I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
