Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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