I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
