Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
