You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
