the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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