I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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