I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
