I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize