when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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