hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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