Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
