i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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