I think my fart just growled at me.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
